I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
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