Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
Semen is not good for contacts.
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Randomize
