I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
Randomize
