Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
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