Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
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You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
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fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
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