I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
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