Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
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