JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
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