the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
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His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
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You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
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