There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
Brb crying the tears of my youth
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
Randomize
