so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
one word: firstdatebathroomanal
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
Randomize
