If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
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