i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
Randomize
