dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
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