Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
Randomize
