Its only 8 and she is already passed out
Perfect here is wht u do. Gently slip your index middle and ring finger into her butt hole but gently u dont wnt to wake her..let me know when ur ready for step 2
Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Randomize
