I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
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