So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
Are we still banned from the library?
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
Randomize
