Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
Randomize
