You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
Randomize
