I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
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I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
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Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
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