bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Randomize
