i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
