I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
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