Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
