Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
