If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
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