I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
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