Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
Randomize
