Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
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