I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
Randomize
