Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
Randomize
