So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
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