dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
Randomize
