Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
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What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
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we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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