just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
Randomize
