Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
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