god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
Is that strawberry winking at me??
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
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