Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
Randomize