She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
Randomize
