If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Randomize
