Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
Randomize
