This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
Randomize
