so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
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