we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
At least life still wants to fuck me.
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
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