Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
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