it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
I understand Curling. That high.
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
Randomize
