I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
Its like we are women, and boise state is a gangster rap song. This game is degrading
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
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