corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
Randomize
