considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
The chlamydia really affected his face.
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
Randomize
