At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
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