I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
Randomize