its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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