Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
I hope this doesn't change things. I feel that me being a minor made it more exciting.
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
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