haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
Randomize