You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
Randomize
