i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
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